honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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