dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
