the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
