you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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