I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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