but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
