So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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