i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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