Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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