If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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