i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
