please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
