i think my tv is drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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