My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
