So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
