I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
