Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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