And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
