After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
