other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
