Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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