I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
