girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
