Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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