I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
