You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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