Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
