I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they call him Oral-B. enough said
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
