i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
sarcasm needs its own font
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
