the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
