Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
