never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
