Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
honey bunches of taint.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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