just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
