My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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