i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
