Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
