this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
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He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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