I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
