So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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