I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
