His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
