if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
