are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
