i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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