I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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