Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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