I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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