found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
