I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bring me that man meat
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
