are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
