So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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