ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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