Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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