exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
