You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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