i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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