So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
