I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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