Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
