I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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