Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
