Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
