New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
