He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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