The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
