you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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